Ooh, this is very nice, Aster! Like, really! nice. ^^ I love how you coupled it with music, and I have to say RainyMood is absolutely wonderful for this; as well as the Listen On Repeat - Clinton Mansell - Stay With Me. It fits very, very well together. I love when authors add something else to their writing, to make it more than 2D.
As for the writing. I've seen different styles of writing, and even in your RPs, I've noticed different sentence stucture. Lots of abrubted ending or starting phrases. Incomplete, but with a certain thought so that it's almost hinting at something more. Emphasized, if you will. It's interesting, but for a story like this it works well together. If that's how you write, and you're comfortable with it, for for it!
I don't want to come off like a proffessional critic or whatnot, but I do want to critic this, because like every writer knows, that's how you learn and grow in your skills and writing, especially from other witers.
Yes, you do have... spastic could be a way for it. It's different. Unique. And I like that; originality is always a plus, at least for me. I'm not sure if it would be good for, say, something proffessional, (I'm not sure how you consider writing for a carreer. I wouldn't really recommend this style for a novel or novelette or what ever. For something more.. poetic, it probably wouldn't be a big deal.), but for a short story like this, it gives it... more feeling. More depth to it. Little grammer/spelling/punctuation mistakes here and there, but not enough to take away from the story as a whole. And pink? Haha, and odd choice, but if you think it fits... xD
As for the story itself, I absolutely love the idea and feel. The ... leave emphasis on the, hm, how desperate the story is? How pleading it is and how the character, Marthnan, suffers. (By the way, I just love the names you come up with. More originality points there. ^^ I cannot tell you how much I despise the names 'Shadow,' 'Luna,' and 'Fang.' Oi, they make me want to stab something.) The setting, and the hinting of the past; the misunderstandings and trouble with his father. And then a female dragon, Kandria, comes by just in time to save him. She is an interesting character how you describe her; '"...she smirked, but behind her rude facade she was slightly worried about him." Very interesting indeed, but her personality draws me in. Not only because it's interesting, but because I can connect with that.
Now, connections. I've always believed that stories, poems, writings are heavily based on feelings. Of course they are. Some aren't as strong; some are fake as well, but this particular writing, and the personalities in the characters, reflect something more in the writer. Anything and everything is connected, and the feeling and mood here, which I have come to assume is reflected by yourself, is also reflected in the reader. Hardships are always a way to connect, and therefore makes the reader more... absorbed into your writings. Personally, I've always loved dark, depressing, and not-so-happy-ever-after ending stories/poems/writings, because of the kind of person I am. From the RPs I've seen you in, and this writing, I can tell you feel at least somewhat the same way. And that's wonderful, because there's that connection there. Feelings feed off of connections: severed or strengthened. Some good, some not so good. I believe you could be a very influential writer if you continue to... captivate your audience within the feeling, mood, and connections, as well as hinted... morals, lessons, messages, or themes in your writing. Influence is a powerful tool, and I hope you use it well.
Holy fudgenuggets, I did it again. Typed a whole crapload. >.> Sorry about that, Aster, I tend to go overboard with me thoughts and rants, especially when it comes to writing. It's a very strong passion of mine, as well as art is. I'm sure you could understand, yes? Just a few more things; feel at least somewhat proud of your work! It's that great that you can brag about it! Share it, so you can grow with yoru writing and learn more experiences! You have a wonderful story here, and great potential for something alot bigger and greater (such as a full novel or novelette of whatever it is you're thinking of writing. I know I've always wanted to write something like that, but I can't seem to commit to the time, thought, and effort, as well as length. -.- I'll never succeed as a published author, with deadlines and such, haha. xD)! I wish you goodluck with the rest of your story as well as writing career if you continue to persue it, and I can't wait for the rest of this short story of yours! ^^ Keep up the fabulous work, Aster!
